the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
