he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
