I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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