Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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