honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
