im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
