I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh god the rape fog is back!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
