yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize