Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
