you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
