well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
