Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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