Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
