Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
