Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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