Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
