Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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