never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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