the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
