I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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