there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
