Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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