C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
