Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
