she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The adults are the big ones right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
