He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
