When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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