my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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