i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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