either way he was missing a nipple.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
