I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize