You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
