Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
