So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
