these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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