She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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