I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
