Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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