they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
