GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
