So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
