i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
