3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
