No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
