you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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