So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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