If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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