I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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