margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize