Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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