my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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