god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize