As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
