I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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