idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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