You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
