Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
