the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
