Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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