im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
