if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
