the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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