four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
