He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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