i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
