her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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