oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
