Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
