Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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