I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
