I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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