She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
