Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
