I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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