Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
