hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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