Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
