hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
