we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
