I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
