my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
