yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
