you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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