Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize