Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
