Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
