In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
