He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
