i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
