ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
