mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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