wake up i wanna do it froggy style
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
