Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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