well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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