We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
