dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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