I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
