i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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