I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
