i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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