All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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