dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize