She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
