Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This baby is an asshole
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
