Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
