She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize