Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
