Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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