Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
