He had one of those small greek statue penises
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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