i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
