I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
