So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize