I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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